Before I became a Mom, I thought I knew some things. I thought I "knew" it would be hard. I thought I "knew" it would be the best decision I ever made. But in all honesty, despite listening to all my Mommy friends' and relatives' advice, I didn't really KNOW. And I didn't know how conflicting it would be either.
Today hasn't been anything out of the ordinary. LW had me awake at about 5:20am (maybe earlier - I was sleepy and I'm blinder than a bat without my glasses or contacts), JT was up shortly thereafter. Daddy was in the shower so they joined me in bed. Sometimes I can turn on the TV and it will occupy them while I doze a little. Not this morning. They were fidgety! And as usual, I went to bed too late last night (got hooked by a new show on VH1 - "The OCD Project" - and I'm fascinated!!), and I'm not exactly a morning person, so I started out a bit..oh how shall I put this...GRUMPY. JC gets them set up with breakfast downstairs before he leaves for work, but after that it's time to be Mommy. But did I mention I am not a morning person??? So until I get some coffee in me (I was not a coffee drinker until..oh...about 4.5 years ago..hmmmmm) they'd better behave themselves or the volume gets a little loud. But once the caffeine kicks in, I'm usually OK and relatively pleasant. And such was the case this morning. I was entertained by LW shedding his PJ's in a not so graceful fashion. And JT re-discovered the whoopie cushion that was included in a birthday card at some point. Lucky me! Eventually we made it back upstairs to get dressed. As usual, it took me about a half hour to get dressed, since they just can't leave me alone for five minutes straight! For some reason, this time I turned on the TV, and Bonnie Hunt was on, talking to a guy from Animal Planet, who of course brought some animals. The kids once again made their way into our room and the animals caught their attention. Which then prompted some wildlife imitations, as well as some wrestling. Some days this would bother me, but today it just warmed my heart. This is one of the days that they play well together and the squeals of laughter outnumber the cries of frustration or pain. But that's not the point where my I felt my heart felt like it would burst. That occurred after lunch, before nap. I was sitting on the couch, while the two of them sat together on the recliner. Content. Not complaining about anything or anyone. Happy. I sat there staring at them for a while, thinking about how cranky I was at the very early beginning of my day, but how happy I was at that moment.
It amazes me at how my emotions as a mom can run the whole spectrum in just a few days or hours. Tuesday was what I considered the start of summer vacation. JT finished preschool for the year on Friday, but Daddy was home for the long weekend so that doesn't count. Tuesday was NOT one of the good days where they boys play well or happily together. I found myself wondering out loud "how long until September???" But today is a good one, so I'm happy that I get to be home with my boys. I get to be the main influence in their lives. And I get to feel my heart about to burst with love, even when it's just an ordinary, simple day. So yes, my heart is more than full. And I certainly wouldn't change a thing. Well, I would like to get more sleep. Some day.